The Next Fix

I tried to warn you. Now it’s here and you’re all screwed. Okay, not really, but I *did* warn you about the following cross-promotional, multi-media, genre-exploding short fiction PUBLISHING EVENT.

First and foremost, I give you the fourth issue of Murky Depths with cover art by BFS Artist of the Year Vincent Chong. Prepare to ruin your undergarments . . .

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Short Stories

“Demon Lover” by Sam Stone
”Saint Darwin's Sprirituals” by D K Thompson
”Miracle Michael” by A. Pignatella
”First Aid” by Edward Morris
“Flave's Formula” by Jason Palmer
“The Man With The Hologram Face” by Louise Cypher
”Paternoster Blues” by Richard Barber
“Casting Sin” by C.S. MacCarth
”Day Boy” by Trent Jamieson

Comics

The Dark Gospel 3 - Halo Slipping by Luke Cooper
Rex The Dog by Mur Lafferty & Dan Gardner
Warped by James Johnson & Leonardo M Giron]
The Visitor R.D. Hall & Denis Pacher




ALSO in this issue, an interview with Vincent Chong and my new Depth Charge column. It’s entitled “When It Stomps Beneath the Terra” and in it I examine the evolution and current state of underground arts and media. Or something similarly intelligent sounding like that.

But you know that’s not the end of your emotional, intellectual, and psychological ass-kicking, kids . . .

”Saint Darwin’s Spirituals” by D.K. Thompson is also now live in audio form on the Variant Frequencies podcast. Featuring the music of mindgasming steampunk band Abney Park and the vocal stylings of Rick and Anne Stringer, Maia Whitaker, Ali Groves (who is NOT, in fact, Irish), and Agent Dani Cutler, this is far and away one of the highest quality episodes in a two and a half year history of the highest quality podcast out there.

So there it is, folks. Buy, read, download, listen. This is a new one in short fiction marketing. And we chose the best possible story to pop its cherry. Be a part of it.

Mur Lafferty is one of my favorite people. We share many interests, we are both authors of podcast fiction. We even have the same birthday (July 25th. Send money). A while back we decided that the likes of Scott Sigler and J.C. Hutchins had their break out year and that it was our turn. We therefore declared 2008 The Year of M&M. I fired the first salvo with the publication of The Next Fix a couple of weeks ago. Well, Mur has answered. With a pair of motherfucking howitzers.

I’ve sung the praises of her latest podcast novel epic Playing for Keeps many times (if you’re reading this on livejournal, my avatar is a custom PfK job). Mur just announced that the very same novel has been picked up by Swarm Press (the new superhero imprint of Permuted Press) for an August 2008 release. But why settle for my martini-dry words on the matter. A zealous Mur fan (they are many and widespread) tracked her down at a book signing in Maryland this weekend and captured the following on video . . .


Not only is the news awesome, but can you beat that fetching smile and those loveably clumsy Vanna White-esque hand gestures? And although you can’t really tell in that clip, Mur has the long flowing vibrantly purple hair of a Valkyrie. Who serves as David Bowie’s bodyguard. IN SPACE.

And as if announcing the publication of Playing for Keeps wasn’t enough, Mur dropped another mortar shell filled with the black powder of awesome. She has signed on to be the newest featured columnist on SuicideGirls.com (oh, yes. THE Suicide Girls). Mur will be filling the large geek-shaped hole left by Wil Wheaton’s departure, focusing on geek culture, podcasting, comics, sci-fi, all that jazz. Her as-of-yet unnamed column will debut in June.

We are the Children of the 25th and it is The Year of M&M. FEAR US MOTHERFUCKER.

No, seriously, congratulations to Mur. Well-earned, well-deserved, and well-met across the fuckin’ board, dude.

I watched WWE programming for the first time in (literally) years tonight. More on a whim than anything. Friday Night Smackdown! on CW. I remember watching the premiere nearly a decade ago when the network was still UPN, I was still following mainstream American pro-wrestling, and I still firmly believed I'd be doing something similiar as a career at this point in my life. Ten years later Smackdown is its own brand and I wish Vince McMahon had died as a child. It's a fucked up thing to be this bitter and nostalgic at twenty-five.

Anyway. 90% of it pissed me off just as much as it did when I stopped watching. The matches are still reduced to five-minute high spot reels in which concepts like psychology and storytelling and common sense seem to've fallen through a fucking time warp. Hearing Mick Foley of all people put over a one-dimensional mongoloid like Batista made me physically ill. And speaking of mongoloids, why does Paul Wight still have a job? Seriously? I swear the only reason that dude is still picking the bones of heel Andre the Giant as opposed to face Andre the Giant is because the black singlet hides the liposuction scars. And fifteen years in the business, he still works like old people fuck. I'd rather watch Giant Silva fight MMA than watch that giant douche bag do anything except get his asshole torn out by wild boars and eventually bleed to death.

But there was that 10%. Shocked and delighted to find guys like Dave Finlay and Tommy Dreamer still have jobs. And DUDE. The Undertaker choking people out with GOGOPLATAS? WHAT?! That shit made my whole body hard. I didn't know I had so much mark out left in me. 'Taker remains ever the Rock of Gibraltar in a neverending tidal wave of horseshit. No one has brought more legitimacy to a product so incredibly mediocre since Christopher Lee starred in Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf.

Torching glass cases with the power of the dark side? Fuck yeah. I just wish the lightning had melted that unholy symbol of abomination they call a title belt. The moment David Arquette strapped that thing on everything inside me containing an ounce of purity died screaming.

I’ve already made it known that later this month I will be rolling into Baltimore to join the mammoth podcaster and sci-fi author contingent for Balticon 42. And one of the main reasons is Stranger Things will be staging an epic event there called The Singularity. And I do mean epic. They’ve got the main ballroom booked, they’ll be filling it with several hundred rowdy friends and fans. There will be a premiere screening from the new episode of Stranger Things (their biggest, most elaborate production ever), “Latchkeepers,” penned by your humble narrator. I’ll be dragged up on stage for a little something special after that. There’s going to be swag giveaways. And there will be a HUGE announcement that warrants such an ominous name for the occasion.

This thing is going to scream, kids. Seriously.

Below is the event t-shirt that executive producer/creator Earl Newton and crew have come up with for The Singularity. It’s a wicked piece of armor. I hope you’ll be joining us the weekend of the 23rd, and I hope you’ll don it proudly.



It runs $15.00 and is currently available in medium, large, and extra-large. Pre-order yours now and you can pick it up the first day of the con. Because come Baltimore, you wanna be stylin’ and profilin’. Woo!

Seriously. Click the button, buy the shirt . . .

MediumLargeX-Large

I received this candid snapshot from my ORIGINAL fangirl (the vivacious and talented Steph from Austin, Texas) nose-deep in her Next Fix today. It was such an epic source of pleasure that I just had to share. Witness . . .


This may very well be one of the sexiest things I've ever seen.

And you know what? I want more. So if and when you get your copy of The Next Fix, bust out the digital camera and capture your own moment of fiction addiction-in-action. Get creative, get artsy, get totally fucking sickhouse. I encourage this behavior. Then send them to me at matt@thenextfix.net as a link or attachment. I will post them here, and I'm also considering having my web maestro "Hollywood" Chris Hebert create a whole section on TheNextFix.net for these photos. I might just give away a few prizes for the best/most inventive shots too.

And don't forget to rate and post your own reader review of the collection on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apex Book Company. Thanks to those who've already given the book mad props (and by that I mean all one of you. But seriously, to that one, you rock me like a hurricane). I was just checking out how it's doing on Amazon, and I could not help but marvel at the fact that the book has been available for barely a week yet, and there's already over a dozen copies available used.

You gotta love being old before you're news.

Much like Christmas and drunken proclamations of my sexual desire for John Cusack, it only happens once a year. It’s Apex Digest’s annual subscription drive. Apex Science Fiction and Horror Digest is, without exaggeration, the best fiction quarterly(that-does-not-also-showcase-comics) on the planet Earth. It is also the sister magazine of the Apex Book Division, publishers of my debut short story collection The Next Fix.

The purpose of this bitch is simple: Go here and buy a subscription to the magazine. You can pick up a one-year subscription for the insanely thrifty tag of twenty bucks, OR a lifetime subscription for one hundred bucks. And that’s legit. For a mere hundred bones you never have to renew or pay more.

People have been doing weird shit to drum up business for Apex. Jodi Lee, the ravishing creature who backed up editor Deb Taber on The Next Fix., has vowed to dye chunks of her hair alien green. David Montoya of Magus Press is giving away free books. Some other chick I don’t know is doing something else I don’t recall offhand.

Being an Apex reader and contributor, and an official member of the Apex Publications family, I want to do my part. I have no luck getting you fuckers to do things en masse, so here’s what I’ve come up. This is some serious shit. You don’t want to miss out on this.

If you buy a one-year subscription to Apex Digest (again, for the low, low price of twenty American clams) you may redeem your purchase for one of the following:

1) A game of on-line Scrabble with the author, Matt Wallace (otherwise known as me), at an appointed time of your choosing. Either Literati on Yahoo! or Scrabulous on Facebook. This includes game-long chat with same. I am awesome and you will not win. But it will be an experience. That I promise.

2) The author, Matt Wallace (also me), will compose an angry rant targeted at someone you fucking hate and post it in his blog (here). It doesn’t matter who it is. George W. Bush, some dude or chick at work, a band you think sucks, an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. It will be at least a thousand words. I will incorporate any and all negative traits you list for me. I will flat out make shit up to assure everyone who reads it knows what a complete mouth breathing waste of fucking life they are. They will cry.

Now, if you purchase a LIFETIME subscription (one hundred bones, regular issues of Apex Digest ‘til the end of your days) you will be eligible for one of two GRAND PRIZES. I thought long and hard on these. Check it out:

1) A limited engagement, one-time-only, in-depth critique. Your short story, your screenplay, your manuscript. Whatever. I will evaluate, I will comment, I will suggest. If it really impresses me I may even pass it along to the fabled RIGHT PEOPLE. Who knows.

I will NOT line edit.

Why do you want this? Because I’m awesome. No, seriously. All right, fine, but I have picked up a thing or two along the way you might just find valuable. I am, after all, a professional screenwriter, a published author, and co-editor of the other greatest fiction quarterly on the planet Earth, Murky Depths. I’ve even won awards. Like, more than one. I know some shit.

Why is this valuable (as in, worth a hundred dollars)? Because I never do it. I don’t like you. It’s nothing personal. I just hate writers. They’re awful, pretentious fucks. All of ‘em. I don’t do workshops, crit groups, seminars, message boards. I’d rather have my dick slammed repeatedly in a sliding glass door than sit in a semi-circle with a pack of aspiring authors and discuss the fucking Elements of Style. It’s like being water boarded with bullshit. So this is an extremely rare offer, and one I am not likely to make in any other context ever.

2) If you’re not, in fact, a writer (which would shock the hell out of me, as I’ve come to believe everyone is at this point), you may redeem your subscription purchase for the following: One (1) DVD from my personal collection. That’s right. I will send you a list of all the DVD’s I own, from which you may select one title, which I will then send to you. I will also autograph the case and include a Polaroid of myself giving you the finger for taking the movie you’ve chosen away from me. I love my DVD’s. I will personalize and date the Polaroid upon request.

I am serious about all of these fabulous prizes. Simply leave a comment or send me an e-mail to confirm your purchase and to let me know which one you want. If you’ve already purchased a subscription you are not eligible. And I will be checking.

Exciting news on the multi-media front today, kids. My debut short story collection The Next Fix is now available as an eBook on Fictionwise! $4.99 puts it on your desktop or inside your favorite eReader. BUT WAIT. If you make your buy in the next six days you will only pay $4.24 for this electronic marvel of badassery. That’s a savings of 15% off something that was dirt cheap to begin with.

How cheap do you need to be? Seriously?

Every little bit helps, and this is another great way to enjoy the collection, so drop a fin on it and enjoy.

This vintage Monday morning G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling) clip is dedicated to the new Hollywood & Vine mark in my life. Just to set the right tone for the week.



Although personally my tastes in women’s pro-wrestling always tended toward the Valkyries of the East. Such as Bull Nakano, she of the blue hair and world-class thighs caning the shit out of everything with a pulse, including legendary monster heel Aja Kong.

WWE Divas? Gimme a fuckin’ break.



I read Nakano has since lost an absurd amount of weight and become a pro golfer. I miss the 90’s.

And lest you leave this post thinking the legacy of women’s pro-wrestling around the globe is simply one of hair-pulling and disturbing incidents involving Singapore canes, I present the Wrestling Observer’s 1995 Match of the Year winner (that’s out of every other match in the whole fucking world, both men’s and women’s), Manami Toyota vs. Kyoko Inoue for the WWWA world title. Inoue’s the one with the face paint and the wicked sexy highlights. One of my all-time favorites.

This is only the first part. They went a solid hour.



And you think the job you’re at right now is tough. A little perspective, huh?

My debut short story collection -- THE NEXT FIX -- is now available. I've pimped the details, the awesomeness, the badassery enough. I will leave you with the following philosophical and moral imperative, courtesy of Anne Stringer, which I feel is apt . . .



Order THE NEXT FIX direct from Apex Book Company

Order THE NEXT FIX from Amazon

Order THE NEXT FIX from Barnes & Noble.

And to those of you who've pre-ordered and received your copies already, do me a personal favor and stop by any or all of the above and post your own review.

Guess what, jag-off? I'm not impressed. And neither is Mur Lafferty.

In that spirit, Mur has created The News From Poughkeepsie in her dreaded Murverse superfeed. She will be posting an idea a day, every day, for an entire year. Mur's currently on Day 10, I believe. The News From Poughkeepsie is predicated on the notion that, as the lady herself puts it, ideas are cheap - it’s the work that’s hard. Sitting here with a four-page outline to redraft explaining how I'm going to turn my ideas into a 120-page screenplay, I happen to agree with her in a way that makes the right side of my brain throb like porn star cock.

The particularly hardcore, functional aspect of this concept is that these are "community" ideas released under a CC license. So if you're one of those aspiring authors I step over in the morning, you can cherry pick any of them, change them, tweak them, write them, even sell the finished product. As long as you acknowledge it came from Mur's Poughkeepsie (that sounds hilariously dirty, doesn't it?).

Speaking of Mur, which I often do, because she's crazy sexy cool, she is one of the guests on this week's episode of Manic Mondays recorded live at RavenCon. Hosted by Tom "Devo Spice" Rockwell, the man behind comedy rap "group" Sudden Death and the narrator who played Sterne in the Podiobooks.com recordings of The Failed Cities Monologues, this is one of the funniest fuckin' drivetime podcasts you will ever download. Mur also brought the stylings of Beatnik Turtle with her. These guys are utterly amazing musicians who write every kind of song imaginable, including comedy. So Manic Mondays + Mur + Beatnik Turtle = Mindgasm. In my book, anyway.

You can listen to the episode by clicking here. Sudden Death also just dropped a new CD entitled Fatal Error that I have not picked up myself yet but fully intend to and which you can order here. Funny, funny shit about technology and geekdom in general. Witness . . .



And fuck, man. Seriously, were there enough hyperlinks in this post for you? That shit looks effortless when you read through, but it's a pain in the ass to slap together.