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August 10th, 2007

X Minus One

My one sentence review of SCIFI's new Flash Gordon premiere

Posted on 2007.08.10 at 22:20
Current Location: Cable TV Hell
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
It's like having your eyes and ears raped with a steel wool cock. For 90 minutes. Shit, that was two sentences.

Well, as long as I've screwed my theme I'll elaborate a little. I have nothing positive to say about the writing, and I am Mr. Positive Comments. Ask anyone whose story I've ever rejected. I hated every choice, character/plot/setting, that they made. The casting couldn't possibly be any more plain vanilla. I wouldn't bank on the ass clown they have playing Flash saving the northern most tip of Michigan from the fucking Canadians, let alone the universe from Ming. Only not this Ming, because this Ming looks like he fronts a Night Ranger cover band. The production values are less like a SCIFI Channel original series and more like a SCIFI Channel original movie (they step through a wormhole in a forest and end up . . . in the same forest! With a different light filter! And a couple of extra moons painted above it! BE STILL MY FUCKING HEART).

I'd rather watch Flesh Gordon (and I will, too). The jokes are funnier and at least there's nudity. And I wanted to like this, too. I really did.

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